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I wrote this script for a video I want to make, based on an idea I had (basically my friend Alberto eats Cheerios like three times a day so I thought of this.) Any thoughts? Or any way to execute it better? Personally I really like the last scene with Alberto and the doctor talking, but I'm iffy...

Hi, I'm a student filmmaker and I'm new to these forums. Well basically, I've been making little Youtube "sketches" for like two years, but I mainly did them for fun and didn't take them seriously. But at the end of the last school year I took a couple weeks making my first "professional"...